In just two days, my youngest will graduate high school. I don’t know how he went from my baby to a young man so fast. I keep joking that I’m not okay, but it’s true. I am not okay.
These past few weeks have been very emotionally draining. There were so many lasts- the last band concert, the last awards ceremony, the last band banquet, the last day of school. Then there was prom, his eighteenth birthday, and a lot of goodbyes to teachers and friends. All of it was so bittersweet.
The past few weeks have also included some tough moments for me personally. I left a job of nearly two years that I loved. I knew it was time to go, but it was such a blessing to me while I was there. Until the end. I still don’t know why, but a coworker I thought was a friend lied to me and about me and ruined what should have been a good ending and left me with feelings of betrayal and hurt. I will never look at that job as a refuge and joy again. Betrayal sucks, I will never understand why people choose that route.
I also attended two funerals, both of them for the fathers of close friends. They were the first funerals I have gone to since my mom died and I was not prepared for how much they would take out of me. I was not ready for the anxiety I felt as I got to each venue nor was I ready for the overflow of emotions I felt for each of my friends.
I miss my mom so much, especially right now. She should be here for my son’s big day. It is so unfair that she doesn’t get to see her boy graduate. She missed my oldest son’s college graduation and now this. Every first and every last are moments she is missing, moments she should be sharing with us. I miss her smile, her laugh, her sassiness, her hugs, and her advice. But mainly I miss knowing that I was never alone. She was always there, just steps or a phone call away. She always knew what to say to me.
Honestly the emotional load has been a lot lately. There’s been a lot of sniffling at events and crying in the shower (I don’t know why but I always seem to cry there!). I find tears running down my face in the car, sitting on the couch watching Netflix, and especially at night as I lay in bed alone. I am running on empty and can’t figure out how to recharge.
Even in all this, I know Friday will be a joyous day for my family. We will watch my boy walk across the stage and end this chapter of his life. We will celebrate saying goodbye to the amazing child God allowed me to raise and welcome the man he will become. Sometimes life is so wonderful and beautiful and still so sad.
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
4 thoughts on “Joy Comes in the Morning”
Hi Amy, I feel your loss for your mother. I had a close relationship with my mother, too. And I loved your mother, too. She always knew what to say to me.
Praise God for your sons. Even though I don’t know them personally, I’ve followed your personal stories. They have grown into such loving young men that you and everyone who knows them can be proud of. Enjoy your times together with them and cherish your relationship with them forever.
Thank you! Some days you just need your mom! Momma was such a beautiful person. God really blessed her with the ability to speak truth in love.
My boys really are remarkable young men. I am so proud of them for what they have accomplished and who they have become even after everything they endured. I feel very blessed that God trusted me with them.
I hope y’all are doing well. I miss and love y’all!
I agree!❣️ And I miss you too. We are doing well—getting ready for a Stellar VBS! GFBC is doing well, too. Take care. Say hello to Steve, please.
I will tell him. Have fun at VBS and give everyone a hug for me!