Finding joy and peace in my life has thus far been a balancing act of learning about and meeting my needs and still giving to, sharing with, and loving others. It’s been about finding that balance of having boundaries and still remembering that it’s my job as a child of God to show others grace and mercy just as He has shown me. It’s been about forgiving others for the wrongs they have done to me and forgiving myself for having faults, not being perfect, and for just being human. Taking care of me is so far the hardest part of my journey.
I spent years sacrificing my own needs and wants for those I loved. I was expected to be perfect so I could deserve that pedestal I was placed upon. I was compared to other women so that I could make changes to be more like them or to remind me that I wasn’t good enough. I never felt whole or able to be the woman God made me to be. I felt small and inadequate and unworthy. My boundaries would constantly be crossed, my words ignored, and my feelings never mattered. I have sworn I will not ever allow myself to feel like that again.
So, 2023 is my year to learn how to take care of me. I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions, but I am a proponent of setting goals. This year will probably be my hardest so far, but I’m hoping it will be the most productive and rewarding. I want more than anything to be the woman God has created me to be. I want to find my purpose for this stage of my life. I have spent the last few years reminding myself that the woman God made me to be is exactly the woman He wanted. I am worthy of being loved for me; I am worthy of being heard and appreciated; and I am worthy of having my needs met.
God loves me just as He created me and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says about me, including what I say about myself. God says He is enough and He is all I need. His purpose, His path, His love, and His words are all I need to make me enough. There is no man that can ever convince me otherwise again.
Life is hard enough without adding in doubts and fears about who you are or where you are going. The worries that life won’t turn out exactly as you have planned, have to end if you want to have a life of joy. You will never be fulfilled if you don’t trust God and the path He puts you on, and you will never find peace if you forge your own way. Trust me, I spent years trying to make my life exactly the way I wanted it, and it never was and never will be. God will find a way to make all things work for good and lead you in the direction He wants you. The anxieties, worries, and stressors of this world will only keep you from hearing the true desires of your heart.
This year, I want to find those desires. I want to let go of the things that stand in the way of hearing God’s plan for me. I want to continue learning more about this woman that God created- who I am and who I’m going to be. I want to be ok with taking care of me and having my needs met. I want to lose the thoughts that I am not worth being cared for or loved as I am. For God to have made me I must have great value, because I am the only me He has made.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4