I have a confession to make. When things got hard in life, I played it safe. I chose the road that looked easy and normal. God, how I hate that word now- normal. Everyone just wants a normal life with a spouse, kids, and a dog. It seems like that life should be so easy and fulfilling, and for some it is. But what if your deepest desires are for something more, something not so normal and safe?
I moved to Nashville at twenty-one to follow my dream of singing professionally. There was nothing safe about that decision. I had no desire to make choices like anyone else’s choice. I had always wanted to be a famous singer, so I left Texas behind to pursue it. Along the way, life got hard. I met the man I would later marry and divorce, and he made life a little easier then. I had someone to spend time with and talk to, I wasn’t so alone. It seemed so easy to move into a marriage and kids. I gave up my dream and raised a family instead.
But that marriage was not so safe. It was not good or healthy, or what I considered normal. If I had not seen first-hand from my parents how amazing a marriage can be, I probably would still be with my ex and would still be miserable. I feel so lucky that I had a Godly, passionate, connected, and truly safe marriage exampled to me. It was that constant persistent voice telling me there’s so much more to life, that helped me walk away. I knew I was called for something far greater than what I was living. I knew that my marriage was toxic and my husband abusive and I made a choice to take a chance for a life I dreamed of even if it meant I would do it alone.
So, my new dreams for my life include not playing it safe. I no longer want to choose the road that looks easy just because I’m too scared to go down the one more difficult. That road I chose that looked to be so normal and safe nearly destroyed me. It stole who I was and who I was going to be. I was never meant to seek out the world’s view of normal. I was meant to be who God created me to be, not who me or anyone else wants me to be!
Every choice we make in life eliminates another option, so choose wisely. Don’t let your head talk you out of something your heart wants. Don’t choose safe just because you’re scared. Take a chance, take a risk, be different. If you fail, it’s ok. That’s better than always wondering what could have been. You will never feel whole if you are not being who you are meant to be.
I want to someday have what my parents had. I may never get it, but going for it feels so much better than staying in a marriage that was destroying me. I spent my whole life over-thinking and over-analyzing every decision I made and now I just want to live. I want to follow God’s plan for me and quit thinking about what seems logical and safe and normal. I want to follow my heart; my dreams and my passions reside there, and I have every intention of listening to it.