This post is more a cry for help than anything else. I’m exhausted, worn out, and just plain cannot handle another thing being thrown at me. I feel like I am being attacked on all sides and I just can’t take anymore. I know my fight is not with man, it is Satan attacking me and my family, using man as his tools. I know that God is fighting these battles for me, but I’m just so tired of having battles. I desperately need a period of peace.
So, I’m asking for prayer. I have spent more time on my knees these past few weeks than ever before, yet I still feel so inadaquate. There are days I feel stronger, but there are so many more that I wonder how I’ll even make it through the day. I am trying so hard to put all my faith in Christ and His plan, but then I struggle with letting go of what I want. I know His plan and His ways are best, I just fight it sometimes.
This weekend is already so very hard as it’s my first Mother’s Day without my mother. I know that there are many of you who understand how difficult and painful that is. I feel like I have not been allowed to properly grieve; I feel like none of us have been allowed to properly grieve my sweet Mama because we’re all on a roller coaster none of us asked to be on. We need off that roller coaster and put on a nice lazy river for a while!
So, please pray. We need the constant hurt to end. Just when we adjust to one hurt, another gets added on top of it. It’s so hard to heal when new wounds are constantly being inflicted. Please pray for my boys to learn forgiveness and have healing. Please pray for me to learn to disengage and let go of all expectations. Especially pray for me to have the wisdom to keep my mouth shut! I have a lot of my Mama’s fire in me, and I need to learn her ability to keep her tongue still when necessary. She had an amazing way of knowing just what to say and what not to say.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18
So, today I ask for prayer because right now it’s all been too much.