Have you ever been repeatedly asked the same question? You answer it and the person just keeps asking it the next day or the next week? You give the same answer over and over again and they just keep asking. Or maybe you’re the person who keeps asking. Do you ask a question and feel like the answer just isn’t right? Or maybe you don’t feel like it was answered at all? Or maybe you just didn’t like the answer?
I keep getting the same question asked of me. It seems like once a week I am asked this question. I give the same answer and I explain the answer over and over and the next week I get asked again. It doesn’t matter what proof I show that my answer is correct, I still get asked. I keep wondering what is wrong that he does not understand, and it finally hits me. He does understand, he just doesn’t like the answer. The truth is not the answer he wants, or maybe he just doesn’t have the courage to accept the answer. He wants a lie.
I have thought a lot over the past few years about why we choose to live in a lie. I know for me I was ashamed of what my life had become. I am a perfectionist, and the abuse from which my family suffered did not fit into that perfect family mold I had created in my head. I was ashamed to leave and ashamed to stay. There was no good solution, so I kept pretending everything was good and ok. I kept living a lie. I was told by a few people over the years, including my Mom, that he was very controlling, but I told them all they were wrong, he was just a little possessive. I was told he wasn’t very nice to me and was mean at times, and I said he was just teasing, it was all in good fun. I could not stand to hear the truth because I didn’t have the courage to face it, so I chose a lie.
Sometimes the truth is incredibly painful, and the lie is so much easier. So, we lie to our family, our friends, and even ourselves. We choose the lie because choosing the truth would mean change, it would mean admitting things to ourselves we’re just not ready to face. Choosing to live in truth, in reality, means dealing with the things in our past and present that are hard and painful. It means finally accepting that people have hurt us and that we have hurt others. The truth means no more hiding, no more lying, and no more pretending.
Sometimes the truth is just not the answer we want, so we reject it or deny it. Maybe the truth is something we just don’t have the courage to do, so we seek out a different solution. Maybe, like me, you just don’t want to face the truth because you’re ashamed of it, so you pretend like it’s not happening. Or like me, you’re scared of where the truth may take you. Or maybe the need to be right is so great, that living a lie seems easier than admitting a wrong. Whatever the reason, living a lie is exhausting; it’s so tiring. It eats at your soul daily and steals away who you are and your purpose. It may seem like the best or only option in the immediate, but the long-term effects are devastating. Lies will always hurt the people you love and those that love you. Lies cause separation and loss of trust, which can eventually completely breakdown a relationship, damaging or even permanently destroying it. Choosing to live in a lie may seem easier in the now, but the quality of your future depends on finding the courage to live in the truth. Have the courage to accept the honest answers to your questions and have the strength to give the honest answers to questions asked of you.
“For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.” Luke 8:17
The Silent Abuse 